For those days there are friends!

It seems, no matter how much value I have or how much heart I give, nobody cares about what happens to me...or my art, or the fact I'm still struggling to learn french the best I can even if it seems I CAN'T... 

But I'm sure if I was a famous celebrity they would! They would care just because I'd be famous, not because of what kind of person I am.

I've noticed, people on the internet usually pays attention and give their admiration to famous people just cos they're popular, even if they are jerks. Even when they don't have any goodness in their mind and heart.

Although the advantage of not being famous it's that you can have your privacy and live a life without worrying of people constantly critizicing you and bothering you for every little thing you do or you don't do. And as some pleople have told me, at least I have "a bread in my plate and a ceiling over my head"

So here...that's a thing that give me solace *sigh*....

But what if I don't want only that...what if I don't want "to live more or less" "to eat more or less" , WHAT IF I DON'T WANT JUST TO SURVIVE!! ....What if I want my life to be extraordinary!... Stunning! Incredible! Totally amazing!!

...what if I want more umh?

How I can earn that?.... HOW?!!! If I work hard everyday and try to do my best and I get NOTHING! No improvement.

Sorry...I know I have a little time to talk and I should talk about cool stuff...it's just...

I feel a bit sad today because, no matter how much I struggle, or how much effort I put into things. There are days when I feel like my life isn't at all as I would have wanted....as I would have imagined...

For example, my sister broke up with her boyfriend (because he was a jerk with her) and my mom bought her clothes shoes and glasses that look cool. And he is comforting her and all that stuff. But not me.

And when I broke up with my very first boyfriend, who was such an amazing person! And for reasons that were out of my control...my mom wasn't there, and my dad just got so mad at me and said "you shouldn't talk with people on the internet" and insolated me from my friends for months...I lost my job...I lost everything the few things I had....

And what I had to do on that ocassion was....to swallow all my pain and desperation, and to work hard to  make my life a bit stable again, since I lost all what I had...and I had to cope with my feelings all alone!!...because I had no one who I felt I could trust to talk about it...

And that all about my parents buying stuff and stuff to my sister and comforting her but not me, is just a "friendly reminder" (sarcastic, obviously, cos it is a painful reminder, it rubs off on my face) that tells me I have no money for that kind of stuff ...That tells me I'm poor and I have no help at all to improve that....and something more sad....that they don't really think I'm or I'll be a worthy human being and a succesful person...

And there's another reminder of that:

When I come all excited to tell my mom my plans for the future (like yesterday) of formally studying french...of continuing working hard and then saving to go to some french town as a student, to learn the language, the culture,  to open my mind to a new perspective of the world. She says I should worry about my school first, that I SHOULDN'T "dream that high" cos nothing of that will ever become true....

Also today has been a very exhasuting day for me, not just because of the homework or due the reminders of me being  a looser. But cos I've been trying to buy new shoes to replace my old shoes, co the ones I have are too old and look pretty much like if I had taken them up from the the dumb XD But I haven't had the opportunity to find ones that fit me well because the times I've went to shoe stores, there are no shoes of my size cos I seems have a too tiny feet =P

Plus I'm feeling worse because I've realized that probably I'll not be able to keep being in school soon, cos there's not enough money for my materials, material for school works.

And the school absors much of the time I should be using for my work. So last week I had a couple of problems with some work that wasn't done on time.  I know that  my priority should be my work and not my school cos my work it's what gives me to eat and pay my school but....Sometimes I feel I can't do both things at the same time!! ....

I fear that soon happens that I'd...have to leave my school unfinished....for the second time....for the same reason.

Folks...You know I usually feel lucky, cos I always appreciate what I do have, and I always struggle to try to see the positive side on things that happens and try to not think on the things I don't have. 

So I usually feel like a strong and bold person, with an indomitable a passionate spirit who loves french and art and a lot other stuff that it's amazing and worthy! 

A dreamer who can do great things and whose limits are her own imagination! And since my imagination has no limits (at least not as I know so far ;) *chuckles* ) then I figure out that my posibilities of creating new amazing and worthy things have no limits too.

But there are also days like these, when things like what I mentioned happens, that make me feel like I am s***!!!!

That I'm worthless...

That I'm just an tiny and insignificant girl who was called crazy sometimes, because of her ideas and dreams, a person whom nobody cares of. Whose dreams will never come true and whose ideas and messages she would like to share in her artwork with the world will never be seen!

...But for those days, there are friends!

Today I got a free moment I came to dA "with the tail between the legs" (like a popular mexican saying) feeling defeating...helpless...weak...insignificant...

But then I went to visit my own artwork and I read the beautiful and heartwarming comments my friends have done for me on some of my pieces, some time ago, and that was enough to make me feel strong again. Now I feel again it's worth living! :')

Friends are here to share the good and bad moments, to cry and laugh and have fun together, to help and support each other, and to take away from each other's heart the sadness and the feeling of being defeated in the most sad or bad moments!

And the fact that the comments my friends have done for me here, some time ago, still make me feel powerful and faithful when I need it the most, even,  that is truly a miracle! ^^

So that's why I wanted to write about it today, to give you my friends a huge warm hug and a thank you! And let you know I always think about you guys ^^

Ah oh, and last but not least, other things I would like to say:

One it's that I'm going to paint one of my art pieces as a vector to practice with Illustrator (we already did in school a bussiness card and a logo, and printed them, it was cool :) ) but I'm not sure of what of my pieces to post, so if you would like to give me a suggestion, I'll be more than glad to hear it! :D See my pieces (on the site I used to post my work) and tell me what do you think it might be good for that work, or what would you like to see painted in Illustrator.

The second thing it's very important, I'm very concerned because there's no enough money for my school's homeworks and projets materials, So I thought to ask a bit of help, like I've seen other artist doing it.

Although I DO NOT like to go and say "help me please" and to ask people to give me their money for free, for not doing anything, like I've seen other artist have done. 

Cos I've always been used to receive money for work, for things I do, when I earn it. I was raised that way, I was taught to only accept money for a work done XD

Thus it would be SO embarassing for me to accept money as charity! *SHY GIGGLES*

So, that's why I had a better idea, to try and organize my time to take comissions again, specially sketches and colored sketches. Cos these are all I might be able to do in these times I think.

So...I'm taking comissions again folks :D

Please if someday some of you have liked my art, now it's time to show your support! 

If you would like to help me to get more money to keep being in school, I truly would appreciate it!

In case you would like that I draw something for you, see my journal about comissions ( for more info.

And let me tell you, there are a couple of simple rules, but excepting for that, there's no problem.

I can draw whatever your imagination comes up with, remember; for the imagination there's no limits!  :D