My gecko and I

So yes, even despite I've received a few of sad news, specially when my pet died.  It happens that I keep designing  my characters, and struggling to make this story work.

And what about what I commented about my doubts on my skills?" you might wonder. Well, the true it's that since some time ago I had those doubts, and there are people who will always try to make you to have more and more doubts.

Like for example what they say in that episode of the Simpsons I saw once. Where Lisa discovers the author of her favorite book didn't really wrote the book. And then Lisa tells Bart that it is possible for one single people to write a book, but Bart says no, and him and other 5 people get together and try to write a book. In the episode the group writes a book at the end, and lisa doesn't, cos she keeps postponing it.

This episode implies that one single person cannot write a book, but I think that's not true, cos I know a friend of mine who have wrote a book all by her own.

I think Lisa couldn't write, but not cos she doesn't have talent, but just because deep inside she wasn't sure of her own talent to write, so he did lots of things to avoid to write.

With time in my experience, I've discovered that  for writing you not only need talent, but also persistence and faith in yourself.

And well it's normal actually, to feel doubts when you're starting an artistic project and you notice there are setbacks, but these are always like "little rocks in the way" so to speak.

But I think they are there to make life more interesting and exciting, and doubts assault you, you just need to try and relax a bit. For example, when you feel stuck in doing an artwork (writing, painting, etc) what I would recommend a lot is to take some time to relax, to do other things. Things like, I don't know...like taking a walk or make a picnic in the park, to go to the beach, play with your pet if you have one, play a cool video game or to watch a good movie, that always helps and makes you feel ready to re-take the story or painting or comic or anything you're doing.

So, yes I'm in this business still, and a few days ago I did this sketch in Sepia. In the up side it's Laura (the main character of this story) as a teenager, and his pet who it's a gecko, and who still doesn't have a name, so you can suggest one.

The other drawing it's Laura  as a kid, and that's the scene where she shows the gecko his home, it supposed to be made of glass, and it has some drawings that she glued there to decorate the house, but since she's a kid she draws a bit sloppy.

And no, it's not a Cemetery! XD it supposed to be a drawing of London she made, cos she lives there and she likes the place.

That why I made her live on London? Well...because of the British accent of course! :D ;)

Yeah I know, probably I will never have the chance to released this to tv so voice will be useless, but...but just in case XD

Also in the original story she was British and lived in London, cos I would love to visit London someday.

Here I share the sketch without painting so you can see it is London. There, the tallest building is the Big Ben.

Do I really have the skills?

I've been really bored today cause there's nothing on TV....I come online and there's nothing here, too.

I used to think when I felt like I do now, that it was mostly cos I felt lonely...like...sad...cos I realized that actually nobody cares about what I do or what I don't...

But I guess not...cos there are a couple of good people in my life who do care...And truly appreciate and admire and who I wouldn't change for anything!  I just wish I could be able talk with them very often...

...I'm trying to figure out how I feel, and I think mostly...it's that sometimes I just feel tired of life...of the world...of the horrible things some people do to our fellow humans...And mostly, I feel tired of struggling and working hard and waking up every morning with a hope and do my best in everything, and that even so, even after that it seems that I can do nothing, to make this a bit better world.

And then when it comes my turn to die...nobody will remember me...I feel like I'll never be able to give this world something useful or worthy...something they really like...

Today I saw a comic that promises to be awesome for what I've been seeing so far. And it's so cool..but it makes me a bit sad too, I only wish my stories and artwork would look that cool ...

Don't get me wrong, I'm always glad when I see other people creating stuff that is successful, but...but... why for once it can be my turn....why once it wouldn't be me who can create amazing stuff?...Sometimes I feel desperate cos, I think I will never Invent a comic that can be amazing like the ones I've seen *sigh*...

I haven't even wrote since the last time I was writing and I lost everything. But I'm not sure of how find the motivation...Some time ago when I was having lots of inspiration for a story, I talked about one of my stories with one of my closest friends, someone whose opinion meant a lot for me, and he made lots of negative comments about it...since then I have not much inspiration for writing, I have vague ideas of all my stories but no end or no beginning or troubles with the plot or something! But there always have to be something wrong with them!...And I don't know what to do...

The same applies with the college career I signed in this year. It's Graphic design...And I chose it because that's what I wanted since I was little, to have an career that was Art related, and later to use my talent to create amazing and wonderful stuff that can make people laugh and cry, be moved, think and reflex, that can give them hope and faith to realize their dreams, that make them...think for themselves! That was my dream...but now I'm not sure if....if this was the right choice...cos I see it's getting too difficult for me to make a comic or book.

Maybe I should have chose accounting after all, and settle with being an accountant cos my drawing and writing skills never were that good to do something successful as I thought?....

I don't wanna think so though...I really don't. 

....It's wrong that I don't want to accept setting with giving up on making a comic or book?.... You my fellow artist who are reading this, have some advice to find the motivation to write or make a comic?

Rest in peace Toby.

Well, it happened that I came back where I always used to post...but just to post Toby's tribute, I thought it was important.

This is a drawing I made for my brother's birthday of Toby, and I post it cos I think it was the perfect tribute to him. Hope you like it, and there's a quote of what I said on that respect this Friday. Toby died this last Thursday.

"Me and my family are sad, cos Toby died yesterday...
He was passing for hard times since November last year's, first cos he was suffering a lot of pain due kidney problems, and later for problem his stomach and intestines. We took him to the vet and he was in treatment....he was injected several times with medicine, and some days it seemed he was recovering, but there were days when he tried to eat, but he felt sick and he vomited...and since he couldn't take the nutrients of what he was eating, even if there were days when he felt good to eat, he lost a huge part of his weight.

And yesterday...yesterday he didn't wanted to eat anything. So I accompanied my brother to take him to the vet, and the vet put Toby a serum injection, 2 times, the vet said it was normal cos ferrets suffer of that when they get old, and there was not much to do, but that maybe with what he gave him he might feel better. But when we came back home, he looked too weak and he didn't eat...and in the night he died. 

Poor Toby....I cannot imagine how much he has been passing for...if just for us was really hard to see him suffering...But now he is in peace now. And I know we are going to miss him a lot...the house isn't the same without him...
But...even if it sounds weird..lI feel great relief knowing he's going to be alright now. No more pain and suffer for him, he now is happy in heaven....he will be better than here. So, this is a little tribute for Toby that I would like to share with you today, I hope you like it.

Toby was a warrior, bold and brave! The vet said he was so strong, that other ferrets would have died long time ago. But he didn't he was there to give us love for 7 years, even when he was old! And he was very healthy actually, he didn't had any poblem, until a year ago. Rest in Peace toby, your soul it's in heaven now!

Today we went to the super market, and also to a vivarium, we bought a lemon tree and we are going to plant the tree and put toby near to it.
Why the tree?...it's just an symbolic thing, you know. Usually people leave flowers, my mom and dad had the idea of planting a tree. I think it's very solemn and warm way to show him that we loved him. "

Not sure if I can come back

I'm not sure if I should come back yet to where I always used to post my artwork before I did this blog.

Cos there is a person who once, some time ago, I considered a great friend of mine, in these months have said so many hurtful comments about my art a while ago.

For example some time ago he sent a message weird messages that were stressing me out. In the messages he was upset cos he said that I had "faved pics of people smoking" and he was worried that "I started to smoking"... and I was like "what the....!!" It was silly and weird to me how he just assumed that I "suddenly started to smoke" from nonwhere, since he knows me, he knows what I think about smoking.  I think this was not polite nor corteus at all :(

I think the thing that weirder me out the most, was the fact that this pic was just drawing of a japanese lady drinking tea!....

And it's not the first time he or assumes or says weird things that doesn't make any sense, and makes me feel hurt and sad....

Some weeks days ago, he said he wasn't agree about the kind of art I posted, or what I made...for example, the last thing he told me and I remember a lot, cos hurt me a lot personally, was one day when he got mad because I made a little giftart for a friend that was fanart, and he said that making fanart was stupid and a was a waste of my time, and making giftart was "like bringing the coffee to the people", "like being a pet of the people" And well...who wouldn't have been offended or at least somewhat bothered if someone goes and calls you "the pet of someone"? o_o

But I think what  hurt me was more the form of how he said it. And the fact he was mad at me cos he seemed to force me to think like him, and I told him I didn't.

 What hurt me deeply was that it felt like he was forcing me to think like him! And he didn't even wanted consider to think of what I was saying about why I don't think that fanart or gift art is stupid...or even consider that I can differ on him at some points and was ok. I feel he wasn't listening nor paying atttention to my ideas about the subject and was just trying to push his ideas on me by force. So there was no dialogue on that conversation, which made me feel really unappreciated. Because I from my part did take my time to try and think about his point of view, and try to understand why he thought that way...

He says the problem it's the difference of ideas, but it isn't. The problem is with him, it's the fact he's a very conflictive person, who always expect people to think always like him. And  he doesn't accept someone saying they don't think the same.

That's not a good trait of personality you know...and you know I'm a  relaxed person. I don't get upset about stuff quickly, but that's one of the very very few things that can bother me when people do them: that when you differ with them in something, they try force you to accept their ideas as truth, without listening to you! Without trying to "wear your shoes" so to speak.

I know that many people would go and say that I should just stop contacting him...but...I'm not sure...

He was once a good friend of mine...we used to spend cool moments talking about art and other stuff....

So I'm not sure of what to do...this is really weird for me!

Since I've never had an arguement like that with any friend in my life,  with nobody actually! But only I started to have them with him when I met him, and thus,  I deduct it's not me who's wrong.

It's not me who is causing that, it's him who is inmature and can't accept that people can have their own opinions. Cos if all this it was by my cause, then I would have had the same problems with other people, but I don't.

 In fact I always care to be a tolerant and patient person and I always respect other's ideas and opinons. Even when they aren't similar to mine, and even when they seem to be crazy, cos I really don't like that people try to pull their ideas up my throath, that's why I would never do that!

And with him...when he feels mad he's used to swear AT ME, and that's one thing I'm sure I shouldn't allow people do to me....but I don't know what other thing to do....other than take a break from contacting this person to think on how to tell him about that, so he can understand how I feel and doesn't do those negative (and nonesense!) comments about my art in the future.

I hope I can think of a good way to solve this soon....cos I really don't like conflicts....and I just don't want more pain and sorrow...that's all.

So, meanwhile I'm not sure if I can go back to...to post my stuff where usual. That's why I did this blog and now I'm using it.

Cos the case it's that he have been done this for a pretty good time, just that first I didn't noticed it because it was gradually getting worse. 

And there was a point where I started to realize that due his negative comments I was losing my passion for making artwork! And I started to worry cos I didn't wanted that, so that's why I had to do it...I had to make this place, a place where I could make art in peace without complains or negative comments of people who just want to annoy!

And this is the only think I had not tried yet. And when I made this, I felt way better, and now I feel I'm slowly recovering my passion for making art, which it's really great and makes me feel happy.

But also I feel sad in part...cos this it's really the first time I actually need to take a break from someone....I  don't like people who alwas find an excuse to argue and complain about everything, these negative and conflictive people are toxic, spiritually talking...and I a bit worried now cos I think I've get met one person who is like that...but it happens that he as been a good friend at first...so I'm taking my time to think....

And well, as I said earlier. I personally think that making fanart it's wonderful! Cos fanart it's the root of inspiration for most of artist. I think probably almost every artist's beginning in art was thanks to fanart, thanks to the inspiration their favorite movies or shows have given them! I also love fanart because it's a fantastic and fun way to practice different art styles of drawing and different techniques of painting and stuff.

And I love drawing giftart and I think that's even more amazing, cos that's a wonderful way to show the people you love and care how much you appreciate them! ^^ And that, that it's priceless! To do something with your own hands and pouring your heart in it, that's always million times better than a bought gift.

Plus if if that wasn't enough! There is some crazy people bothering me with messages that say I should go to argue about stuff that I'm not interested, or that I don't like but I also don't think arguing about them would be of any help. For example they say "if you don't like yaoi and yuri then sing this petition" or "join to this anti-porn group" "anti-new disney channel" or a group for hating X or Y subject.

And that just...get me out of my nerves! Cos seriously, I just don't see what's the point of that nonesense arguing on dA or to join to groups just to hate something. O_O ...I wonder if that people have something worthy to do with their lifes...probably not...and that's why they just are on the web to make their and other people's lifes bitter...
But I do have a life! So I wouldn't do any of that, in part cos I think that has no sense at all. It's not productive, it doesn't help anybody, it just creates violence, and negative vibes for the spirit. I mean, man if you don't like something, just don't see it!!! That's common sense.

And specially I wouldn't do that, because my time it's so limited, thus is VALUABLE! Well, it always was valuable, but even more now! And if I have some free time, even a little, I wouldn't waste it doing such dumb stuff. I will always prefer to use this time to do something worthy and good; to hang out with my friends, to do do cool artwork or to write about something I DO LIKE :)
But it doesn't help anybody to go to argue with crazy people saying "I don't like this!!!" XD

Well, that's my opinion at least. When I was a lot younger, people sometimes convinced me of doing that kind of stuff a couple of times...until I realized, doing that it's an useless thing.
Cos I realized if you don't like something cos you think it's wrong, and you want to help to make this world a bit better place, the best way to do it it's as I just said up there, to do some productive stuff with your life, do cool art, that kind of stuff.
Also, well, for example, if someone likes the shows of new disney channel series and you think are dumb, then I think you should tell them to respect your opinion and you should also respect the opinions of other people.

So yes, I'm taking self-teraphy to recover from the things that happened lately on the place that once was my home...and my self-thearaphy it's writting here! XD

I think the best thing about being intelligent and studying human mind, that you can analize yourself and fix your self! *chuckles*

Letting out this from my heart was difficult....but if I'm right, this will help me to health my heart a bit and feel better. :)

Joe the crab

Hi there folks!
Today it was a very bussy day, I worked in the morning and at 1 pm I went out with my family cos my sister was going to go to her hula classes and my brother to English class, and I needed to go with them  cos I needed to buy my new glasses because the ones I had broke down  a couple of months ago. And I need to use glasses everyday for a problem I have to see things that are too far away. In these last months I've been using my mom's ones, but these aren't as good as ones that had cos weren't made for my eye's problem.

Going to the center of the city here is usually an oddisey! XD Although, not much that it is in Mexico D.F. or Mexico city, but going there and wait for my glasses and then for my siblings, took all the rest of the day.
Now I got a headache because of the traffic and smog. But well at least I think I can come "like a lighting" (I mean quickly, it's an expression we say in mexico "como de rayo") and share a nice piece of art :)
And I chose this one, in part cos there's not much to explain about it *chuckles*, but in great part cos I would like to make a little tribute to the friend of my friend Tim Hill, and specially to my dearest friend and mentor Jennifer Stolzer ^^

This is an painting of Joe the crab from the series of books of the same name. I did it for fun a month ago cos at that day (see the date in the piece) I was trying to draw a few sketches of marine animals for my new story's script (for a comic I'm planning, I hope I can release it next year) that I talked a bit of here, to see how cartoon animals would look in my style.
I was looking for some equilibrium between cartoon and a realistic style; since this story isn't meant to be only for entertainment, but also it was imagined since the beginning to be a cartoon-documentary show (originally was created to be a cartoon show, although in nowadays I settle with making it a comic or book/graphic novel, you know, because that's how most of tv shows started..) but none of the scribbles I did pleased me. I think "I was trying too hard" like they say in america, so I tried to relax and remember I do art in the first place; cos I love art, cos it's fun and warms up my soul, and the I started reminding the illustration that my friend did, so that's why I ended up drawing this! *chuckles*
And later I felt excited to share it, I guess cos I feel this is the more iconic piece of her work, the one people know her more for. And of course I wanted people to know her a lot more! :D

By the way, it's just this year when I first removed a background, yes as silly as it sounds but it's true! XD  I discovered this by accident (like most of scientific discovering) when I got tired of JPG in other programs that aren't photoshop (as I said in other entry my photoshop doesn't work) cos it was so tired of my stuff loosing quality when being saved. So I tried PNG one day by chance, I never had tried it before to save stuff, but I did, and I discovered something with so much amazement; this is the only one format that doesn't lose quality no matter with what software you paint it. EVEN with MS paint! Oh my!

I wish I knew this waaaaaay earlier!! XD There are lots of old old pieces from when I started painting digitally that look awful in quality because of that!

And obviously, I had heard and seen from other artists that in this format you can remove the background, I just  haven't tried it myself cos I was kinda afraid of ruinning my stuff XD

I know what most of people are going to say "this is something too ambitious" or "it's impossible, you'll never do it", and I know cos I've seen people commenting that when I shared my very first sketches of a couple of the characters, that were not as good as the ones I've recently made I must say *chuckles*.
And yes, also I myself know this is in it's nature an "very ambitious" idea, to combine a cartoon whose goal it's "to entertain" with a documentary show, that it's supposed to "teach and be boring".  And specially for the way I would like to combine them.

But in my experience in this life-time journey as an artist, I've discovered an obvious truth: If the artist has fear of failing, if the artist doesn't believe in their own stories, ideas and dreams: nobody else will. And you will never try and thus your will never know if your artwork would have been loved and admired or not.

That's something I discovered some time ago, due lots of events that happened in my life, I only wish I discovered this way years before...I wish it was as obvious to me when I was a kid or a teen, as it is now...But well, I didn't, but now I do! I think it's better later than never. So from now on, I'll have faith in my stuff, as well as my mentor and friend Jen showed me!
Thanks a lot Jamie!!

And that's the best advice I can give to my fellow artists; believe in your stuff and love it, have faith in it and be willing to nurture and develop it, even with the fear of failing that it's always there, cos your ideas and artwork are like your children.
Other people could dislike your ideas and stuff, but you must love them cos they are part of you, they come from you, if you love them you love yourself too.