You know.. I've been feeling a void in my soul in these days....and I'm not sure why...
maybe it's because I feel I'm growing up, and I have never made any of the things I've always dreamed to do when I was younger.
For example, when I was younger I always wanted to go to Paris or London to study art and live there for a while, and with luck to meet a French or British boy in college who was a lot like me and who loved me for who I was, and who I could love. Someone who could accompany me to travel around the world, knowing new languages and cultures, who also had this in his list of what to do in life.
I wanted to learn at least 8 languages like Tesla did, specially and mostly English and French. Also to learn to play the ocarina, the ukulele, keyboard, piano, flute, bagpipes, banjo, violin and also the sax.
I also wanted to improve as an artist and to become a recognized one, and I imagined at this age, in the second half of in my 20's, I was going to have already a comic or book published at least. But no...none of this have happened.
Well....I can't be pessimist though cos that's not my nature. So I must say, that thanks god and to my effort and devotion, a couple of these things have already happened At least I have been able to improve as an artist and I also learned to play flute really well, and these two things I did them all by myself! Which makes me really happy, and proud ^^
It's funny as a self-taugh learner, I can play any song you would like in a flute if I hear it, and I mean ANYTHING, but I still don't know to read musical notes XD.
Also I've been successful in learning English, cos I took classes. Well, in my school they gave me a few classes as part of the school program, but the teachers there usually were really bad, so I didn't learn much with them. But who helped me with English for real was my truly amazing and cool teacher Gudrun Clausen.
She had a vocation to teach, and she always made English fun and cool to learn. I'll always be truly grateful with her! He taught me well and it's thanks to her now I not only write in English like I do here, but also I can understand it and actually speak it! :D It's since a 3 or 4 years ago that I can understand all what people say in English-speaking movies and shows! And I no longer need the subtitles to watch something in English; this have opened me lots of new doors, to amazing and wonderful things to see and to know and to discover, like other cultures and traditions, or the cool voice casting of some of my favorite movies and shows.
And in my work this have been very useful too in important occasions. Like one day when some clients came to the office and they were mad because other people said them our work was bad, I explained them that they had no problem about their taxes in English, and I think I must have done it really well, cos they were very happy at the end, and stayed on keep preferred our service :D
Also, I must say I'm surprised of myself, cos I have a year and a half learning french as a self-taugh learner, and I'm still doing it! :D Even after all the difficulties a self-taught learner has to pass, like the nasty jokes of trolls (mostly foreign people, usually Mexican people who don't want other people learn, I must say) in the web who enjoy to make confused other foreign people who really want to learn. And even so that nobody cares if I learn friends, and even there are people where I live who have told me that I shouldn't try, and I wouldn't do it.
But even so, I'm still devoting great part of my life to make this dream a reality, as well as I did with my other childhood dream, that was learning English and being fluid at it. And I'm doing pretty good so far ^^ It's funny...I never thought I could do it...but once I started, I couldn't stop *chuckles*
So don't get me wrong, I appreciate a lot the things I've been able to do in my life, and now I'm writing them and thinking of them, I appreciate and value them even more! ^^ And I no longer feel very much like I have a void in my soul :)
Although...now I see back in my life and I discover, that my only one legacy to the world, the only valuable thing I really have given to the humankind, its my artwork, and most recently, this blog.
And I still think I would really like to do a lot more! Something that it's a bit more...longer lasting. And I've discovered recently, that when you feel like you don't have a direction in your life, it's probably cos you're lacking of a good organization of your ideas, and plans for the future. So, that's why I made a list of the most important resolutions I had done for last year, and that are pretty much the same for this one:
1- Learning french well.
Since it was always my dream to start learning french, but at the end of 2012 was when I took the courage to start doing it. So I'm glad to tell you folks that I keep with this resolution still :D
2- Learning to drive a motorbike.
I just did learn how to drive this year, so this one it's accomplished, and in an amazing way I must say! :D It was truly incredible to learn to drive a motor bike! :3 I'll tell you with more detail later how amazing it was.
3- Finishing my career.
I'm still struggling to sing up to a collegue this year, but I know I'll achieve it.
4- Start to write a book with any of the stories I have in mind (that I've created)
5- Publish a webcomic (either a long comic or a series of comic strips)
See? Some of the things in the list are already done, but some other, I'm still working hard to make them a reality. The 4 and 5 are the ones who I'm taking care of. Well...At least I'm doing my best to it! And I feel much better about my life now, cos I organized my ideas and I made projects, and I'm starting to do something and I'm seeing a couple of good results. ^^
That's precisely why I did these drawings some weeks ago.
They are characters I felt inpsired to draw (see the date in the drawing) because of an story I'm trying to make work. Here is a quote of something I wrote on July 21 but I couldn't post until now:
"In these months, I've been writing and developing an story I invented some time ago when I was a teen, cos a couple of friends of mine had faith in it when I talked about it with them. And I feel like now it's the right time for me to start writing something in form, either for a book or for a comic. What happens first! XD But then when I was writing it I discovered a few issues...the characters are great cos I'm good designing characters, but the plot has a few problems, the concept itself has a lot of things that don't fit all together, and even... I can't decide if making this a sci-fi or a fantasy story XD
Now I understand very well why comics, tv shows and films are work for lots of people. and not just only one! One sometimes feel like you feel stuck when developing an story, and you need another opinion to decide stuff, or just talk about it to have inspiration to continue with itRight now I think my story sucks! XD But the characters I drew and I put so much time to develop and bring to live...are amazing....So I think I'll try to continue developing this story because of the characters :) And specially and mostly, cos couple of my friends have become fans of them."
That was what I thought when I was writing the beginning of the story I mentioned, but when I was writing that day, my computer got stuck and I lost one page and a half of writing! (and no I wasn't working at Word, but in a wordpad, cos I didn't really thought the story would be much) And since then, I just...I don't feel very inspired to write again. And I haven't had much luck drawing the characters either.
And it's ironic that I say this now, cos when I was a kid and even in the beginning of my puberty, I could write stories like how I breath, almost in an incredibly, magic way. But now I struggle to write like if I was trying to carry a piano to move or something! I think if my younger self was there, she would say "seriously??! Really?!!" or something like that XD
It is both, ironic, and a bit sad too...I think I've lost lots of self-confidence in my while time passes, due the bad experiences I've had. And sometimes I just wanna...give up on writing....
Although well...my mentor and dear friend, was able to write a book all by herself. So I think if she can do it...maybe I can too....all I know it's that she has faith on me, so I'll keep trying.
Also when I wrote this story, I realized one thing I think it's very important to mention, it was like an epiphany! It was that before I started writing, I had a blank mind and I didn't know what to do XD But I was determined to start this goal so I believed that was going to make me feel better, so I did it.
And it was until I was writing, that I started imagining lots of cool and new stuff, stuff that haven't been in my mind before! And some of these new stuff I created solved the plot problems! It was truly amazing to realize this! It was like magic! :D
I think now I see why my friend, while she was writing her novel she did lots of cool fanart of her own characters. Cos writing inspired her to draw, and by drawing she felt more close to her characters and that inspired and motivated her to write more ^^
Although sadly, I no longer remember what was the thing that solved my plot issues....But seeing how art works now, I guess, I'm going to be brave and start writing again since the beginning , with the hope if I start writing, I'll be able to solve the problems again and I'll draw some more art about the characters, and that will make me feel motivated to write even more :)
About the story
Oh and, about the story? you must wonder. Well, I can tell you much about it, or I risk to spoil it if someday in the future I finish this and release it as a comic or book. But in general, it's an story about a girl and her gecko pet, and a device (totem) that can transform her into animals. I still cant decide if it will be a sci.fi story, or a fantasy one. I'll decided with time I think. XD Let's see what inspiration says.
Laura it's the main character of this story, and here are the secondary characters that are:
Her mom: who is british, still with no name. She is a teacher in the elementary school of her daughter. In the neck she wears this necklace always, it's his husband's gift, and it has the form of a world globe.
Her dad: Also british, and still doesn't have a name. He's an archeologist and biologist, that works for the Natural Story Museum on London. A posibility for a name for him it's "Jake", but if you have another, I'm still accepting suggestions.
The gecko who also has no name yet. I was thinking on a short name like "Bio" or "Io", I don't know why these name got to get in my mind. I'm thinking about other name cos, I worry about if people would make jokes about the name or mistake him with the computer brand "vio" XD
I mostly want a short name for him, that can be cool, practical to pronounce and that you can say when in danger out loud. Like "Hey bio watch out!" or something like that. See what I mean? It's much easier this than to say "Hey rupelstinsking" or another long name XD
For the names of the dad and mom of Laura, I don't want anything in particular, but if you now a British name that you like, it will be really great!
And well at the end I was inspired also to draw Jean Patou's dad. Who, as a friend of mine says, he looks a lot like him. Which it's great because that's what I wanted to do, to make him be alike his son, so people could identify him as Jean's father. There are sometimes this similarity in real people too, for example, my dad and one of my brothers are almost identical. You see my dad's old photos when he was in the college and he looks like my brother *chuckles*
Oh and Jean's dad doesn't have a name, but he's french not british.
And no, I'm not asking for suggestions of names cos I think I suck with names or something like that XD I know while writing I will have some ideas. It's mostly I just would like to make my friends and other people who appreciate my art to participate, to feel part of my life, and make my life an adventure with their fresh ideas! I think it's always interesting to know what you think :D
So, yeah, as the tittle says, this is the beginning of an story, but not only the story I'm working in, but the story of my life I think, cos after many years of not finishing something for fear to failure, I finally feel like my artistic dreams have an structure and a pad.
And with my hard work, love and dedication...and also God's grace, and even a bit of luck, I hope this story comes out amazingly!
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