Well, this happens to me in these days, specially since last well, and this week too.
..I've been trying to draw stuff but none of what I have in my mind....I feel nostalgic and melancholic for moments...and I just realized why...
It's because I still miss a person...A person I met back in the end of November last year. And who well, later in December, gone away....and I haven't seen him again since then.
And I don't know why I write this if it's too personal...
I just...Write it here I think, cos...it's too much pain for me and it's tearing me out...and I'm not sure of how to get rid of it....to make it go away...
And I know very well that if I tell about this to my family or friends how I feel, they would just say that the best for me it's to forget that and continue with my life, or that "he was a jerk" or stuff like that...
And I don't know...maybe the "best for me" it's to forget....Maybe it is better for me to think this was just a dream I had...But...even so...EVEN SO! I feel like there's something MORE about this...Something great...I know it was real!....what I felt, what I read, what I heard :D...what happened!...And I feel in my heart it is important to remember him!
Sometimes I wonder...why such heartbreaking thing happened to me if I'm not a bad person..I refer to the fact he's gone at the end of course...and most important, I wonder how the hell people do this of "forget and continue".. how to forget a person who has given you too much??!!...who has marked you deep inside your soul and mind in a good way...Someone who you felt an important part of yourself since the first time you met them, how....How people do this, how they can live after that?!!....
I wonder!...Because I see the days pass and pass and pass and I stil remember him, as much as I did 6 months ago. I miss how fun it was to laugh and giggle with him when he said jokes, cos he had a great and original sense of humor. I miss to talk about photography and art....I miss reading his notes of him talking about his philosophy of life, I miss how he constructed his phrases and..his methaphors!
He used to love talk in methaphors just like I do! And his methaphors were truly amazing, and clear and wonderful! And accurate to what he wanted to say!!
For example, when we met and I gave him my friendship, he said...he said he felt like a kid to whom someone just gave a box of chocolates...Heheh, and it was really amazing! You know why?...Cos I felt like that too....
I would love to post a quote, so you could see how deep his comments where...but I'm not sure of what he would think about it *shy giggles* since that was something he personally said to me....
But yes, as I was saying. I felt like that exactly when I met him...but his phrase was impressive for me, not only cos I was feeling the same thing he felt...but also cos he was able to explain it better! :D Probably better than I would ever do.
And I never had the opportunity to tell him....that I loved his metaphors, that I actually have a soft spot for metaphors, like him, and that when I use them they are usually accurate and help people to understand what I want to express, like his metaphors do...I hope someday I can have the chance to tell him this.....
But you know....I'm starting to feel I shouldn't keep talking about this, In part cos I know I might make some people I love feel a bit bad. And in part just because...this is quite a personal thing...
I'm not sure if I need to leave the past things, in the past where they belong, so I can continue with my life, and find the reason why I've been born in this place...For some reason I feel that I don't need to forget....I feel I rather need to remember him for the good moments...so I'll try! Writting here about the good moments helps a lot to feel better :)
So, yeah as I was saying, of all what I wanted to draw yesterday, and today, I couldn't do nothing.
I only made these rough doodles you can see here XD Because one of my characters loves music, and it's going to like to play the ukulele. So I did these doodles cos I wanted to see more or less what kind of poses people would do when playing an ukulele, For this I took reference on photos of people playing, and also a video where Naveen from disney's movie plays it, too.
Why the ukulele?....that will be another story I think. Cos now I'm too tired and I need to work tomorrow, so I'm going to sleep XD
Today I worked a lot and the day went out fast. I feel better now though, writting this has given me a bit or solace in my heart...cos I no longer have headache like the other day. Also cos I made a couple of comments to a couple of friends on my favorite art community, and talked with one of my my best friends about her artwork. Doing stuff like this always makes me feel happy :)
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